


Cooking Frenzy

by Hydr4gon (Arceus6892)



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Comedy, Cooking, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-28
Updated: 2019-07-28
Packaged: 2020-07-23 10:10:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,250
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20006593
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arceus6892/pseuds/Hydr4gon
Summary: Two dumbasses try to cook together





	Cooking Frenzy

**Author's Note:**

> Enjoy my dumb excerpt where Ritsu and Izumi partake in a cooking competition and fail miserably. Written for prompt 146 of ESO: Preparing a full meal together! This was a fun prompt to write for, and I hope my silly, nonsensical story will be enjoyed.

After the success of their last sweets-making contest, Yumenosaki was ready to participate in another cooking competition. This time, it was even bigger than before. Nationwide, in fact. Two of their students had the fortune of scoring so high in the preliminaries that they managed to make it to the final round. The round which would determine what school had the best cooks.

There was just one catch. The top two from each school would compete against the other schools by creating something together. Of course, this would require planned cooperation and awareness of one's strengths and weaknesses to make a spectacular dish that sways the audience's favor.

Unfortunately, the two highest-scoring Yumenosaki students were not exactly the best at that part. Despite being in the same unit, the two couldn't be any more different when it came to the culinary arts.

"And the next contestants are...!" The announcer's voice boomed throughout the audience as the competitors before them left the scene. Workers quickly ran through to perform a cleaning sweep before Izumi and Ritsu were next to step into the kitchen.

It's not like they didn't have any time to prep for the competition beforehand; even if it was only for a week's worth of time, they did what they could. Not that it made much of a difference during the actual performance.

"Kuma-kun, stay awake!" Izumi whispered harshly, discreetly nudging his elbow into Ritsu's arm. A low grumble came from the sleepy idol. His gaze was unfocused, feet barely making their way to the kitchen table. Covering up a yawn, he finally looked directly at Izumi. His head turned to the audience, and as if just realizing they were being filmed for a crowd to watch, he chimed a "Yahhoi~" accompanied by a lazy wave.

"Idiot, focus! We're going to start in just a couple minutes!" Izumi was already working on setting up the right ingredients and tools. Even though last minute checkups were still ongoing, he wasn't about to waste any free time.

Meanwhile, Ritsu stood idly in place, watching as Izumi squirmed around looking for what they needed.

"Secchan, relax~ We practiced, right? Then it'll go juuust as planned, no worries. Yepyep, nothing to worry about."

"When you say it like that, I start to worry more, you know? Hurry up and make yourself useful. It irritates me that you're just standing there."

"But it's such a pain..." Ritsu spoke with another yawn. A blank look crossed his face for a moment. "Say, Secchan...What were we making again?"

There's no telling how, but he narrowly dodged the pan that was flung in his direction. It landed with a loud clang behind him. Before Izumi could turn back around and properly scold him, the distinct whistle that indicates the start of the round bellowed through the set.

That serious, concentrated expression Izumi wore was the same whenever he stepped onto stage. The unfazed look of a professional. Even if this was just a competition between schools, it was clear he wasn't about to lose. Not that Ritsu was willing to let that happen, either.

Showing him a confident nod, Ritsu was surprisingly quick to get to work. The kitchen they were working in was as plain as it could get, but it had everything they needed. A stove, oven, cabinets with various utensils and a fridge lined with basic ingredients in case they forgot anything.

Tossing his school bag onto the counter, he pulled out his homemade ingredients he'd prepared for this purpose.

"Heeey, don't just put your dirty bag on the very surface we'll be cooking," Izumi spoke, already fishing out a skillet and preparing it with some olive oil. Although it took a bit of protest, Ritsu eventually sunk to the ground with bag in hand. Izumi sighed, figuring he'll leave him to his own to get his part done. As long as he stuck to what he agreed with—that he'll work on the dessert while Izumi makes the main course—there shouldn't be any problems. None at all.

"How is your progress on the dessert?" While turning the stove's temperature to medium and adding in some chopped up onions and mushrooms into the pan, Izumi glanced over his shoulder. It wasn't anything unusual to hear little from Ritsu; he wasn't exactly the most talkative, especially at this hour. But since this is a competition, he'd appreciate some feedback every now and then to know how they're doing on time.

"Kuma-kun?" Still no reply. Masking his annoyance for the cameras, he leaned away from the counter for long enough to check on the body still glued to the floor. Ingredients were placed in plastic containers beside his emptied bag. Ritsu, still lying there, was fast asleep. He looked at peace too, much to Izumi's annoyance.  
  
"Ku~ma~ku~n. Now is nooot the best time to be playing around, okay?" Feigning a smile to match the dangerous tone in his voice, he kicked the unresponsive lump by his feet. It groaned and slowly rolled over. Eyes fluttered open. A clueless, sleepy smile was plastered across Ritsu's face.

"Good morning, Secchan...♪"

"It's not 'good morning,' you idiot. How are we going to get this done on time with you lying there, huh? You _do_ know we have a time limit, right? Seriously, that carefree attitude of yours ticks me off!"

Just in case the message didn't go through, Izumi moved his foot to his face. A muffled groan came from underneath his shoe. After hearing his reluctant agreement, he moved his foot. He faced the camera with another plastic smile, apologizing for any delays on behalf of Ritsu. They'll have something to present soon, he promised.

 _At least, that idiot better be able to get something done,_ Izumi thought.

As if on cue, Ritsu rose from behind the counter. His face still had shoe marks over it, but he couldn't be less aware of it or even care for that matter. As he took his time mixing the dry ingredients in one bowl and the wet ingredients in the other, Izumi let out a small sigh.

While he wanted to snap at him again to hurry up, at least he was finally doing _something._ Trying to get that guy to actually work hard at something was a real chore on its own. But when it comes to it, he knows he's capable of getting it done. As careless as he is, he's surprisingly reliable.

Now that he could push that worry to the back of his mind, Izumi turned his full attention on his dish. A full course of seafood doria, with a healthy assortment of vegetables on the side. With his own twist of the recipe he'd perfected many times over, of course.

Confidently humming as the onions and mushrooms shuffled around in the pan, he carefully added in the freshly steamed rice he prepared at the start. After making sure to let it sauté and breaking up any large chunks of rice, he tilted the pan so it all fell neatly into a gratin dish. He sprinkled a bit of seasoning on top. With that part down, it was time to move onto the seafood mix.

He thoroughly cleaned the clams and scallops. After cutting the squid and garlic cloves into thinner slices, he added in extra of his favorite ingredient: shrimp. Once he heated up another pan with oil and placed the ingredients inside, he covered the pan to avoid getting sprayed with oil. He could hear the popping sounds as the seafood cooked in the bubbling liquid.

Given a moment to rest, Izumi let out a relieved sigh; it seemed to be going pretty well so far, at least on his end. There was a part of him clearly reluctant to check what Ritsu was up to, considering he had the bad habit of throwing together some ingredients that were questionable at best. With a careful eye on the skillet to ensure that nothing bad would happen from a moment of distraction, he dared to peek over at Ritsu's side.

He was hovering before the oven, the little light from inside shining onto his face. Used bowls were toppled over messily on the countertop. One still had something inside, some kind of strange, brightly colored mixture, but Izumi knew better than to ask.

 _No kidding, he's actually far along,_ Izumi thought. Considering he was fumbling to get everything ready from the start, this was definite progress.

 _Looks like I have nothing to worry about after all._ Fueled by the added confidence that they'll be sweeping the competition, he tossed together the remainder for his dish, making sure to cook it to the best that it could be. Just a little more, and all he’ll need is some seasoning to top it off. There was no doubt in his mind that the competition was already won.

That's what he wanted to believe until he heard a strange sound followed by coughing coming from the other end. He foolishly glanced back, face paling in shock when he spotted the dark mist rising from one of Ritsu's mixtures. It looked like he was concocting some kind of potion over there.

"What the hell are you doing?" Izumi's voice boomed above the sizzling oil. Rather than offering an answer, Ritsu cleared his throat and added in some sort of liquid in a bottle. He was pretty sure he spotted an eyeball pop up from the mixture.

"Hey, answer me when I ask you something. That better not be anything weird, got it? It has to look _normal_ , remember? And I told you to check with me if it's something out of the ordinary!" At the very least, he could alter its appearance.

"Ehh~ But this way, the formula is juuuust as I want it♪" A low chuckle left his mouth. The purple mist illuminated his face. "If Secchan alters it to look 'normal,' it'll lose its flavor...This way, I'm sure the audience will appreciate it more. If they don't, then they just have no sense for taste."

"I reeeally don't trust whatever it is that you're--" Before he could even finish his sentence, Ritsu called out "duck" just before an eerie, purple mushroom cloud erupted from his mixture. Izumi, not having given enough time to react, stood in place with pan in hand and face, hair, apron all covered in some kind of dark powder. He wiped off his face with the back of his hand.

"Kuma-kun." He called out his name, seemingly innocuous but a menacing smile that said otherwise. "What was in there?"

The black-haired idol stared up at him, pondering with an otherwise impassive expression.

"Hm...The usual. Flour, eggs, newt tails, bat wings, octopus tentacles...Ah, I added some aluminum powder, maybe that's why...?"

"The usual, huh. Hey, come over here for a second♪"

"Mm...Nope." His lips curved into an amused smile. "Fufu, Secchan is all charred black~ Your hair is spiked up even more, too. Maybe this is a new way for you to style your hair in the morning? I'm sure it's faster–O-Ow?!" The mischievous vampire's words were quickly silenced with the sole of Izumi's shoe.

* * *

"Aaaaand we're ready to present," Izumi announced, still very much charred and grimacing underneath his confident exterior. While he was distracted with fixing up whatever mess Ritsu created, his own carefully prepared course lit on fire. Now all they had was an extra crispy, fried charcoal seafood over rice with some normal-looking sides to cover up for the blunder. And whatever Ritsu had made. Izumi didn't even dare to question what it was after wrestling him over it in the kitchen—the very thing looked horrendous, and while it was clear he had tried to make more than one, it formed into one miserable amalgamation of sorts. 

But that didn't hinder Ritsu's presentation of it in the slightest. Despite the fear spread across the audience's face and the reluctance of the filming crew to get any closer, he still announced it as his "masterpiece."

 _This guy is actually insane._ Izumi glowered in his direction, seething in frustration. It could have been _anyone_ else, even Tsukasa who had no idea what to do in a kitchen, and he would have been less of a liability than this guy.

"Ta-daaaa♪ I call this, 'The dessert that if you're not careful, it'll eat you first~'"

" _Not_ helpful, Kuma-kun," Izumi said under his breath. Ritsu turned to him, smiling innocently.

"Hm~? Oh, it looks like we already have a volunteer~ Secchan, you want to try it first? Fufu, of course you would~"

"Huh?! I never said–"

"Here, here~ Take a bite. Quickly, before it bites back." He moved the plate with the lump of unidentifiable substance in its center. It pulsated and squirmed around, black mist oozing from the top. Strange lizard legs and mushrooms attached themselves to the sides. Izumi backed up once he saw it move, jolting in surprise. With a calm "Ah," Ritsu grabbed a fork and swiftly stabbed it right down the middle. It let out a dull squeal.

"...Secchan, say ahh~" He held up a piece to Izumi's mouth. Little did he know, the silver-haired idol was already on his way down. With face paled, he had to be removed from the kitchen while staff busted in and sprayed Ritsu's hard work with a fire extinguisher.

Needless to say, they did not make it far in the competition.


End file.
